Interview
by the author of everything cool
Summary: A short interview led by OC Jane Smith, Daily Punctilio reporter.


REPORTER Jane Smith HAS BEEN CHOSEN TO LEAD A GROUNDBREAKING INTERVIEW WITH MULTIPLE MAJOR CHARACTERS OF THE HIT NOVELLA SERIES _A Series of Unfortunate Events_ BY Lemony Snicket. JS - Jane Smith.

**COUNT OLAF **

_One of the villains in the series is Count Olaf. Here is the interview led by Jane Smith. _

JS: Why did you want to have the Baudelaire and Quagmire fortunes?

CO: I needed it to become successful. You wouldn't understand. You don't know the entire story, just the parts of the lousy Baudelaires and their side. If you knew my side, you would agree with me.

JS: Alright. Next question: Why were you content on calling the Baudelaire orphans names?

CO: To motivate them! To keep on doing what they were supposed to be doing! You always need motivation to do something! If I just let them loose, they wouldn't clean and work as hard as they did for me when I motivated them.

JS: Readers want to know what chores you assigned the 3 Baudelaires. What are a couple of them?

CO: Nothing short of child abuse, reporter. Just severe cleaning, dinner-making, and much more...that's not just it... but hey, I don't wanna get framed for child abuse, you know, heh heh.

JS: And last, are you upset that you didn't get those fortunes you wanted so badly? How do you feel?

CO: Sad. Also mad. How could a girl and a boy be smart enough to outsmart an adult? And don't even get me started on that buck-toothed baby. She was a dentist nightmare, but nonetheless, she outwitted me. Aargh!

JS: Thank you, Count Olaf. We appreciate you being here.

**VIOLET, SUNNY, KLAUS BAUDELAIRE **

_These three intelligent orphans are the major characters of the hit stories. They manage to not get caught multiple times. Jane Smith is honored to lead this trailblazing questionaire._

JS: Hello, Baudelaires! So, how did you react that day on Briny Beach when Mr. Poe told you the horrible news?

KB: It felt as if I would never be happy again...a sinking pit. Like if you were being trapped in the Gorgonian Grotto when the fungi were waxing.

JS: Whew. That's a lot of emotions! How did you feel working for Olaf?

VB: A bit abused. I liked making the puttanesca sauce, however...but him disliking it was not fun.

JS: When Aunt Josephine perished, what did you think was going to come next?

SB: Danger.

JS: When Kevin, Hugo, and Colette betrayed you, however, were you very upset? And when Sunny here was trapped in the other automobile, did you think you were lost? Done for good? What about you, Violet?

VB: Yes! It wasn't a good feeling -

KB: They were our friends, or ex-friends, let me say that. And Sunny, she was horrified.

SB: Crying danger! Violet not here, not here! And I stuck. Stuck on villain lap and pinch. Pinch hurt...

JS: And you, Klaus?

KB: I'd be...terrified beyond belief. She was in Olaf's clutches for a while. And she survived! Sunny's a wonder.

JS: Aww...alright, it's time for me to question another person. I hope to see you soon!

SB: Bye!

**ESMÉ SQUALOR CARMELITA SPATS**

_One villainous girlfriend and her adopted child...what can it make? _

JS: People call Carmelita narcissistic. How do you feel about that?

ES: She's just _stylish_, reporter.

JS: So. Out of my concern, what do you think is in?

ES: Damaged felt notebooks with a small pineapple sticker on top, along with salted peanut popcorn and even bear fur jackets! The In Auction sold over 365 items and I raised 8,760 dollars.

CS: And Countie got me a lavish pink wand with trim on the end of it. I look magical with it, don't I?

JS: Y-Yes. Next question. Are you scheming something?

ES: The next In Auction. Hey, side guy! Get me some radish tea, will you?

JS: I am assuming that is in.

ES: And yes, you assumed right.

JS: Okay. Second to last question. Will you have any more disguises now?

CS: Yup! I'm gonna buy a pink bunny outfit for Easter and pretend to be the Easter bunny... And I'll get all the chocolate in the world! Yum!

JS: Cool! Are you recruiting anyone?

ES: Sure. We need about 24 more spots and about 1440 more people for the In Auction.

JS: So you need 24 more items? Cool.

ES: Yep! So come help and send in some 'in' In Auctions!

JS: Thank you for your time. Next!

**DUNCAN, QUIGLEY, ISADORA QUAGMIRE**

_Resolutely one of the most favorite characters, Duncan, Quigley, and Isadora Quagmire are 3 triplets who have inherited the Quagmire Sapphires._

JS: Wow! How has life on the self-sustaining air mobile home been? Fun or boring? Scary? Nerve-racking? Tiresome?

DQ: Fun? But without the Baudelaires... We had their help and now, all of a sudden, because of one person, we were cruelly taken away from them. And knowing that you failed someone is not good.

JS: Harsh. Why did you believe the Baudelaires about Mr. Genghis' real identity? They were new, and a bit paranoid about everything. With the circumstances they were in.

IQ: First of all, we went through almost the same exact scenario! Our parents perished in a fire, and so did theirs. Second of all, they were honest! And I knew they could be right. I mean...Klaus was very smart and could figure out most things that cannot be solved. Violet invented multiple things that saved our lives. And Sunny, she can bite through anything.

JS: Ah. Alright, second to last question. Did life with Hector go well?

IQ: Yes, even though we were being spied on and watched. I missed the Baudelaires and Quigley. Being alone without your friends is horrible. But luckily I had Hector and Duncan. Writing poetry helps to pass the time. Even though my brain did wander to the few moments I had left with Klaus, Sunny, and Violet.

JS: This is meant for Quigley. Were you happy to see the Baudelaires the first time you saw them? On that mountain? When you took off that mask, how did you feel? Elated? Scared? Unbelievably nervous?

QQ: Happy. Just really, really happy. I saw my saviors. They were my saviors coming to get me out of the pothole I was in.

JS: Wow! Congrats. That's a lot of feelings. Happy and sad, even mad! Alright, goodbye. I am so honored to see you three.

**THE END**


End file.
